Paramedics

Paramedics blare their sirens violently through the inner suburbs of the city,

No one turns back to see what or who theyve missed out on here and it’s interesting how places that once nurtured happy gatherings now just feel like distant memories

He’s on a self-discovery bender but the only person he’s running from is himself and he told he never cried like it was a badge of honour, but like my father he felt intensely and repressed his anger

Cause there’s a difference between being emotional and emotionally intelligent and I’ll be damned if I can decipher it

My main example of love was one of abuse so do I secretly want to be abused?

Cause if Im still a little girl that needs saving then he can still emotionally manipulate me.

Everytime I hear someone say “we had an amazing connection”, it just means they had an erection and sometimes I think Id like to be in a relationship cause it would be nice to have someone to split the rent with

And she told me I couldn’t have it all like complete happiness was unattainable.

In movies you just meet someone who fits you, you don’t have to work through your trust issues and if just look happy and hide my disdain then no one will notice that I’m in pain

And when the pain has passed do we tell our life stories like they don’t belong to us anymore? Routinely told and removed from us like a book we’ve read before?

My sleep pattern is out of whack and it ain’t cause I’ve been slack,

I hate pressing pause on my to do list to deal with my feelings and that ole depression’s snuck up on me and she’s excusing his behaviour, sweeps it under the rug because she doesn’t want to lose his love.

I’ve had many lovers but no great loves and I wasn’t blessed with tits but God gave me great wit.

I’ve always been one of the boys and the girls have felt threatened by my authority to go out and get what I want fearlessly.

They told me my chances of fertility were slim so I started calculating, re-evaluating and like all great perfectionists before me, my ego couldn’t accept that I might never have my own child… or that it might take a while..

Cause I want someone who will fight with me through the thick and the thin and who wont easily give in.

Everybody tells me I’ll find it when I’m not looking for it but Ive been looking for ten years, so I’m over it.

He used big words to seem intelligent but forgot to text me cause he’s negligent.

I see him in so many forms but it’s never him and if he was born half an hour later would we have worked better?

I love the smell of books and words that have found a place to lie together and even though my mind tells me I haven’t done a lot, my body knows better.

I believe everything happens for a reason but death is one I’ll never be able to explain and the younger generation want to have it easy but the struggle is where you find the happiness and the gain.

And just when you think you’ve worked through all your shit , you remember the deeply engrained abandonment but it’s part of your story and there’s no running from it – so you may as well welcome it.

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