Drugged up and fluey

Drugged up and fluey,
I’ve been wearing the sweatpants for ten days,

My mind is in a haze, foggy, confusion

I’ve been out of action and I feel like I’m losin’.

I’m disconnected from my instrument and I’m questioning what the next thing is and how to proceed,

Cause all the fire signs in me are angry and all the water signs in me are crying

Cause when I’m sick I start Googling my symptoms and I’m much worse on the internet so is my ovarian cancer even prevalent?

I tried to download a dating app but my storage was too full and I’m too lazy to delete it just to meet someone who can’t spell in full sentences and says “alrighty” repeatedly

Cause we’re in the ghosting generation and I don’t want to be a ghost no more.

I’ve always liked philosophers even though they’ve had nothing of real substance to say

And he wanted to hear the end of my verse, but hadn’t earned that privilege today

Cause when he’s benefiting and I’m suffering, the playing field is out

And we became more creative apart and art acted as a medium of survival from the start.

And I blame the twelfth house that I get wrapped up in turbulent artistic relationships where there’s no solid basis

Cause the twelfth house is about sadness and misery, so will I be able to go deep with someone without it killing me?

The pseudoephedrine is kicking in and when does God want me to stop suffering?

The doctor told me to rest but I’m too rest-less and as a child I kept my family members up cause I hated sleeping and as an adult I keep my lovers up with anxious questions like:

“Do you love me? Why do you love me? How much do you love me?”

Cause my anxious attachment isn’t pretty but it’s part of me.

Cats have never liked me cause I’m not subtle enough and I’m beginning to smell a fake from miles away

Cause when people corner you and revive up your past shit, you can tell them to beat it.

He thought he was special because he understood that my parent’s marriage had broken down, so was that our only common ground?

He thought we were suited because we had the same mental illness but there was no stillness and people often like to talk to me, but he wanted to talk at me.

Why can’t I meet someone who wants to dance but doesn’t want to fuck off to France?

Cause I’m never gonna be  party animal even though I used to be attracted to smokers and the way they inhale that drag *inhales* but I’ve had no desire to lose time off my life

And sometimes I think Aries fire would murder someone to get their revenge but the only person holding anger towards you is you

And I spent so much time wanting everyone to like me, that I lost of what really mattered to me, and the person I was meant to be

Cause my job is to say what people are too afraid to say… to be a voice for the voiceless and to feel for the powerless cause I’ve always empathised with people who were suffering and he told me I belonging in Brunswick cause that’s where all the crazy creatives were living

Do you ever see a dress you want in the window and then it’s gone?

I like to think those potential dresses, potential job opportunities, potential flings were never the right fit

Cause if they were you would have bought it or the timing would have sit right and I don’t wanna fight what the universe has in store for me

Cause I know it’s going to be magnificent cause I finally feel worthy of it.

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