When I came back to Queensland, I ran into my old piano teacher at the shops. She said “I’m married!” and I said “that’s great” and shows me a giant rock on her finger! She said “what about you? Are you seeing anyone?” and I say “no no one” somewhat embarrassed to tell her of my break up in Melbourne. She said “well someone’s gonna snatch you up – you’re not gonna stay on the market for long!” and I smile knowing she believes it when I can’t so confidently say it. And now three years into finishing my course, I wonder if that time is now.
April 2025, I walk into Sunshine coast university hospital and say “I’m looking for the gynaecology clinic.” I hope the next time I’m here it’s cause I’m pregnant not because I’m cleansing my uterus. The gyno asks me a bunch of personal questions that she doesn’t think are personal and asks me why I’m here. “Because I have warts on my cervix that can lead to cancer.” She seems shocked at how sure I am and says “if you have warts..” I feel like the universe Is gaslighting me. I just spent the last 6 months getting rid of this and having an Italian guy say “the herbs aren’t going to help.” In the car he says “just do what the doctor says” and I said “you study chemistry and you don’t know that oregano oil is good for infection?” Clearly we have different ways of healing. I said “I feel unfuckable” and he said “I wanna fuck you” which is the exact empathy I needed in that moment. And when I told someone else, she said “unfuckable is just another word for unloveable.”
The gynaecologist does a colposcopy and says “you don’t have warts you have an ectopic cervix” and I said “is that like an ectopic pregnancy?” “No”, she says somewhat condescendingly. “There’s nothing you can do about it – it’s just part of your age.” I leave feeling relieved knowing I don’t need intervention and that I’m about to go to the island next week spiritually clean. I smile knowing the Italian was wrong about the herbs but right about me being fuckable again.
When I get to Brisbane airport, the air hostess says “did you go to Yeronga?” and she’s my friends sister who’s Tongan. I thought she looked familiar. I can never escape my school or my past and I’m grateful cause we all knew each other and “did you go to Yeronga?” is a common phrase for Yeronga kids. Yeronga bro. I say “I’m singing at the Whitsundays” somewhat shyly and she says “that’s good you’re still doing it.” At 31, most people expect you to quit by then but my mars is Leo, so I’m fixed with my work and music is the only thing I haven’t hated long term or wanted to give up on.
The airhostesses take pictures, I don’t want to wait for a toilet and two guys casually play cards before boarding. The girl next to me asks me if I’m okay and she’s the nicest Gen Z I’ve met who isn’t self serving. We talk about the book I’m reading and I explain soul mate, karmic and twin flame relationships to her. She tells me she’s writing a political essay on how the welcome to country isnt doing enough and I tell her i didn’t vote cause I didn’t think it was my place on that topic and she says “a lot of people feel that way.”
I get to the airport and I’m the last person waiting cause my bag doesn’t arrive. A guy says “this is my worst nightmare” and I thought “I expected something bad to happen.” I tell him my name and he says “are you Mia dyson?” And I said “no…My-a” and laugh. They make me fill out a form and the guy at the shuttle bus asks me to put it into neutral and start it and I thought “thank God I am masculine enough to do this.” He puts my luggage in first cause I missed the last bus and I say “appreciate it.” When I was 19 my driving instructor used to yell at me “change the gear Maja!” which is really how I feel about my life now when it’s moving too slowly. But on this dirt road in north Queensland I feel like I’m moving forward.
When I get to Airlie groups of Indians, bogan Aussies and Korean girls that look like pop singers walk past me. Everyone eats gelato here cause that’s what you do on holiday. I feel like I can’t cause I’m protecting my vocal chords. When I arrive to the resort, I get my own room and I have a bath which is all I wanted. The first day, i hang a dress over the rail to dry and a cockatoo comes to visit me. I’m terrified and close the balcony door. It stares at me, completely unafraid. My Aboriginal friend says it’s a welcome to country cause it knows I’m alone and wants to protect me and I say “well it’s the most authentic to country I’ve ever received.”
My bag still hasn’t arrived and I’m starting to smell. My microphone is in there but I might have to use the one for bingo tonight for my first show. I lie by the pool, letting my long legs receive the vitamin D. I’m about to bleed but I don’t feel prepared. I read my erotica book and am not impressed by Anais Nin’s character having a flaccid penis. I know I’m supposed to have more compassion but after dealing with a few in my time, I just want it to be erect every time. I don’t think that’s expecting too much.
When I get my stuff, I swim in the circular pool trying to get the bartenders attention but pretending not to. Every time I go for a swim, I cry releasing whatever needs to be shed. I think about getting my circular tattoo when i get back to the Sunshine Coast. I talk about not being politically correct and the woman that does my henna says “Queensland isn’t pc you should know that!” Her husband is also Serbian and she said “I married a wog and got what I wanted” and I said “I’m glad!”
On day 3, I notice a cute French guy that does the breakfast buffet and make sure he’s noticed me. He says “oh I realized you weren’t the other staff but you weren’t a guest either” and I thought “I like to be unpredictable.” I ask him to play ping pong with me which is unlike me staying in my feminine energy but he says “I can’t cause of my job” but then continues to watch me play. 4 hours later at the bar he says, “you play ping pong left handed’ and I said ‘I’m left handed.’ I said “when were you watching me?” cause water signs love watching and he thinks of some excuse. He said “why Don’t you play with another guy?” and I thought “cause I want to play with you” and he continues to give me mixed messages and push me away the rest of the trip.
A random woman ends up speaking to me the next night. She said “I had cancer and after I healed, my husband got cancer and now I’m trying to help him heal but I don’t want to be with him” and I said “it’s not your responsibility- you know that breast cancer comes from overgiving?” And she puts her head down and says “I know.” She tells me her daughter has suicidal tendencies from them breaking up and I say “she should be your main priority not him.” I said “everyone Is so perfect here” and she says “no everyone has stuff.”
A lady that watches me sing says “‘I thought why would this poor girl go on holiday alone?’ and then I realized you were the entertainment.” I thought “I’ve spent a lot more time alone than this lady” and it started ever since I was in the womb. Another guest said “you have a pretty good life just travelling around in nice resorts” and I thought “I worked hard to have this life!” cause they dont see the years of tours that I did sleeping on people’s couches, in churches and random hostels. And I think of my dad saying “I wasn’t lucky, I earnt it” cause we learn from earth signs, if you persist enough you get the reward.
I met a woman who became a die hard follower with her husband. I said “how did you know he was the one?” And she said “I just said I feel like we could spend the rest of our lives together” and he said “me too – when do you wanna get married?” Cause when a man is in his masculine energy, even the most airy and flaky of women will submit.
I run into the French guy later and tell him I’m living with my friend and her kids and he says “but you want your own” and I’m shocked he’s saying this cause I spent the last 5 years telling men I want children and now they’re telling me I want children. Every morning he asks me how I am and I enjoy the consistency cause my friend said if I don’t like the good morning message, I don’t really like them. I will miss staring at his hands and butt. When I say im sick of watching sbs, he said “don’t you have a tablet or laptop?” And I said “no I don’t travel with a laptop, I want to be in the moment.” He said “I arrived to Australia during the cyclone alfred” and I was like “should I go back to France?” And I laugh like “this is the worst that it gets.”
I call him German for not playing ping pong with me. “You’re not a real French man when you won’t break any rules.” I decide to ditch him on the last day to go see my female friends! The Chinese girl says “I like your outfit” and I’m like “I didn’t even try today.” She said “everyone loves you here! You’re so friendly” and another staff member says “sometimes we want the musician to leave but we are actually like Where’s Maja?” I play ping pong with a French girl who works at the bar. I read her tarot cards at the bar and she said “look at you reading your filthy book” and I said “you’re such a flirt” cause I can see all the guys falling in love with her. As she accompanies me off the island, I say “thanks for playing ping pong with me” and she says “it’s OK I’m not German.”
When I get to Brisbane, I go to the jeweller and ask for a pear shaped diamond. The jeweller judges me for showing her a picture of a cheap diamond and gets me to try on a 12 thousand dollar ring. She says “how long have you been with your partner for?” And I say “i haven’t I’m manifesting it” and her mouth opens, shocked that I’m not “serious” but she doesn’t know how good I am at manifesting.
