Hot showers after long days of teaching piano. I scrub my body with magnesium as the water drips down along my legs.
Thick thighs, tiny tits, fat ass, my body shapes itself for the next stage. When I saw my friend’s baby body I said “your areolas are huge!” and she laughed.
He made me feel like my body wasn’t a temple.
“Just say you don’t like my nipple hair!”
“Fine i don’t like it” he finally admits after I forced it out of him which makes me think he only wanted an Instagram wog.
But I want someone who wants all of me and says “I might not be a perfectionist but you are perfection.”
Every day I deposit money into the ATM because survival is what keeps me going to get out of this city. I buy a souvlaki every second night and they know my order from memory because I’m predictable.
My neighbour tries to hit on me even though he’s too old for me and is growing weed but says he keeps a “vegetarian” household.
I call my dad and he says “if you marry a lazy person you end up doing the work of two people, not one.” And I said “well some partners don’t want to do the work.” And he says “well that’s not realistic” which is the most Taurus line I’ve ever heard. I finally understand that him providing for me was his way of showing love because we had different love languages. “I bought you the best glasses as a kid!” he says.
I do a past life reading about him and the reader says we have a symbiotic relationship. When I grow, he grows. She says “sometimes your father wonders how he made you so strong” and “you trigger him because some of the decisions you make, he wishes he’d made them.”
I just got there quicker. It’s easier when you can learn through your parents mistakes.
The pink flowers on the windowsill transformed over the months like I did and I miss having my own place. You take your stability for granted when you don’t have it.
I prized myself for being a Miranda and I think about all the healing that occured in that green room. Green is the colour of heart chakra.
“You lovingly become the support for others that you never had and redirect that into the people” an emotional release therapist tells me by looking at my body.
“You have a square head so you’re very practical and intelligent. Your long limbs tell me you’ve travelled and you’re always moving forward.” She looks at my knees. “The top part of your legs is the present and the bottom is the past and when your knees give in that’s when you don’t feel supported in the past and present.”
In Buderim, the engine light lights up and I go to the mechanic to check it. It’s an oxygen sensor. “Don’t worry” he says “you’ll get to your next destination. “That’s all I could ever hope for” I think. My root chakra is still off but I am one step closer to being more grounded.
