This body knows scars and wounds.
This body is soft and hard when it needs to be.
This body doesn’t carry generational pain, only one’s own pain and the stories it has accumulated through the years.
On this body, there are appendix scars on my stomach, long lost kisses from lovers that were too high to care and I’m finally feeling okay in this body because I’m no longer apologizing for my hairy nipples that he couldn’t seem to bare.
If this body was an Airbnb, not many visitors have been able to enter fully.
I’ve always been too picky and had impossibly high standards and as a teenager I was always called too uptight and my parents thought I’d grow up to be a lawyer because I loved to fight.
He tells me to be more neutral, more open ended and I’m like Kurt Cobain one said “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am” cause I’m starting to feel like no one understands me in this town and like I’m ready to move again
Cause sometimes I forget that people don’t like when I point out their flaws but then I remember my personality type is the teacher and I get paid to tell people the truth.
I sit at the bottom of my shower, crying, scrubbing off the moulds stains because I need to have control over something in order to feel okay
And I love like an Aries and a Pisces so even though I’m viscous, it still hurts me to hurt others.
My mother made me feel bad about my body cause I never felt perfect enough for her impossible standards.
“Your stomach is too hairy – shave it.”
And now she’s like “no one cares about your voice” cause she’s suppressed hers so hard that I had to stand up for every fight in her marriage until my therapist said “this isn’t your relationship – put the sword down.”
“Just because you take big risks doesn’t mean you’re going to make it.”
“You can’t live like a gypsy Maja – when are you going to grow up?” and I’m like “my moon’s in Sagittarius so probably never.”
My throat chakra is burning up from all the people I’ve told to get fucked
Cause I always hold people accountable for their mistakes whether they like me or not
And I’m like “if you don’t like me that’s fine, just don’t waste my time” because if it’s triggering you there’s probably some truth to it
And I believe it’s better to have integrity than be a people pleasing kiss-ass
Cause when I tell people that successful people don’t allow their lack of privilege to define them, they turn me down because they tried to kick me off MTV but it feels so empty without me!
And he’s happy to play “Call of Duty” a violent gun game but he can’t even hear about rape
And I’m like “if it’s too uncomfortable, how you think the rape victims feel?”
Cause only people who have suffered understand suffering and I used to be PC until life happened to me.
And I’ve learnt that even though I have ten people on my team, I’m glad that my team is a team of strong, independent warriors cause if you’re going to choose a team to be on, choose your own.
My ex texted me “Are you okay?” and I said “they took my poem own for being too controversial”
And he said “that sounds like you, you’ve always been too real.”
I said “at least I’m unforgettable” and he said “you have no idea how true that is.”
I said “Thanks for being on my team” and he said “I will always be” cause the only reason I spoke to him 5 years later is cause Leo moons understand loyalty,
But then I don’t know how to forgive him for the time he went down on me illegally.
That year I scrubbed my body clean for 365 days hoping my sexual trauma would be washed away.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” I said but he did.
That night we woke up sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, our love divided by the physical distance that tore us apart.
I said “It’s okay I forgive you. I’m over it now” and he wanted to say “yeah but I’m not over it.”
Cause all we can do is tell people the truth; we can’t be responsible for how they deal with it.
My tarot reader says “he doesn’t understand how after so many times he’s pushed you away you still manage to love unconditionally.”
I’m like “the reason I’m unforgettable is because you know I loved you and I gave you 110!”
I said “I’m sad that the life I wanted with you, you had with someone else.”
And he said “didn’t you have it with someone else?”
I said “I had a fake reality of it.”
I said “I’m over it here” and he said “leave if you have to.”
Every time I give him some of my light, I take on some of his darkness and he couldn’t get it up for me emotionally so what’s the point of loving someone half-heartedly?
But this body is resilient. This body is strong.
This body knows no right or wrong.
Because sometimes people need to break you down so you can build yourself back up again.
And my world is my world. I decide its borders and I am law. I am princess.
I am the blood and the veins of its heart. The bones, the skin and the flesh.
And this body is my body and you have NO power there.