Abdul from Emirates says “Maja official music – you must be official!” and I laugh cause I forgot that’s the name I invented for myself when I started my music career. “I just wanted to be real” I tell him. He said “I’m going to do something for you – I’m gonna give you a hotel when you get to Dubai” and I’m say “I am lucky!” cause I love when Emirates boys flirt with me and upgrade me to a free hotel suite. I said “are there any markets in Dubai?” and he says “there is one called the golden souq – souq it means market” and I said “I know I’ve read the alchemist” and he laughs. I find out he’s Aquarius and we talk about how we relate to our star signs. I say “I’m scared to be in Dubai” and he said “don’t be scared – there are less people cause of the tourists” and i said “so its gone back to its original form.”

I do a Latin dance class and talk to the instructor who’s from Brazil. He’s a Sagittarius and shows me his neck tattoo of it. I said “you helped me get out of my head and into my body” and he said “the moment is all we have.” I tell him about seeing my dad and he said “well you’ll always be his little girl.” And that life is short. I said “i know that’s why I’m going cause i don’t wanna miss the memories.” He said “you seem like a Latin girl” and I smile and say “that must mean i move well.” I tell him I’m going away in a week and he says his visa runs out and i think “classic air and fire signs.” Always missing each other by a week. Sometimes i hate how much i love fire sign men. He makes me feel better about turning 33 when he says “aw youre a baby.” 20 year old guys make me feel old but 40 year old guys make me feel like a baby!

When I get to the airport, there is a guy checking a surf board in, I say goodbye to my mum and I cant deal with all the guys with dirty moes at the terminal. A half asian girl with blonde hair sits across from me with a labubu attached to her bag. The Emirates guy is Aussie, around 20, has spiky hair and says “you need to find the stop over counter to get your hotel in Dubai.” The steward is Serbian and recognises me and says my name properly. “Dobro dosli” and i say hvala which means thank you. I talk to a Latvian girl that tells me she knew a girl who got questioned about her vibrator in Dubai and we laugh.

The men seem into me on this flight and I’ve texted my dad and no reply. The people in the front row are interacting but maybe I’m not meant to talk to anyone this time. I’m wearing a black and white stripey shirt and comfy grey Uniqlo pants and my new birthday necklace. Its my 33rd birthday in a week and I am single but fabulous. The asian stewardess has the most immaculate make up and cap. It makes me realize not everyone can travel and that is the luxury in it. Before i boarded my friends boyfriend said “sometimes luxury is better than culture” and i said “what a Capricorn.”

Every time they do the safety instruction, I panic even though I’ve heard it a million times and I finally deleted the notebook off my computer after years of watching it. It is still my favourite movie but I need to let go of my twin flame relationship. She said “why are you thinking about him so much?” and i said “cause he was the last person i spoke to before my Europe trip.” On the last trip he told me to get Sony headphones and it always makes me want to cry cause I’m retarded with technology and still buying shit headphones and not learning my lesson. My friend “that night he had a choice to heal with you or party and he chose to party.”

I drink red wine to fall asleep but it doesn’t help. When we get off the plane, a Saudi couple sit across from me – the man wears a green Hugo boss shirt and the wife isnt wearing a hijab and has a Louis Vuitton bag so i wonder how much money they have. I like being in an Arab country because I become the minority as a white person.

In Dubai I have a middle eastern breakfast with olives and labneh and book a 2 hour tour so i can explore the city fast. I buy a perfume off an Egyptian guy who says “You can buy it for your man.” I say “I dont have one” and he said “i dont believe it – you are very beautiful, mashala.” And i say “thank you” knowing he will make this perfume sale cause i fall for compliments and i havent been getting any in Australia. He makes me a bottle with sand it and a picture of the dessert and i say “you’re like an alchemist!” I say “what made you move from Egypt?” and he said “I like Dubai better.” I buy an evil eye ring from him and he gives me more and I say “I’ve been manifesting this!” and show him the pic on insta. Later he texts me “you deserve so much more” cause Capricorn men see my worth and I say “i know but I’m grateful.”

I leave to do the 9am tour group and its just me and one Indian guy from America. We go past many rich buildings but I want to go to the souq! The driver says “there is a cocktail worth 7500 dollars that is in a bed of gold” and we both talk about how we love being bougie. It is like 150 degrees and Im wearing a long dress but I still dont feel covered up enough. After the tour, we go to the souq but its nothing like the alchemist and random men keep asking me to buy stuff. We get a middle eastern meat platter and I compare it to the one I eat in Brunswick. He says “why cant you just receive like a sugar baby?” and I thought “cause I’m not one.” I say “I can receive  – I just want someone who gives me what I want.”

He says “i think you have a way with men more than you think..” And i said “they’re attracted to me but they’re not putting a ring on my finger and giving me a baby” and he says “well you’re fishing.” I said “yes which is why I’m sending the fish back out” and he said “you cant just look for salmon – maybe you need someone older” and i don’t know if he’s subtly trying to imply something. He said “you will get what you want cause you played the long game” and I thought “I hope so cause I wanna be with someone I text ‘its so hot when you discipline the children.'”

I’ve gotten more attention in the last 24 hours than i have at the sunshine coast in the last 6 months.  My mum texts me “how are you liking dubai?” and I said “good but I’m ready to be in Serbia.” On the bus to the next flight, a baby cries out which is exactly how I’m feeling with being underslept  i just cant publicly show it. There are a lot of old people, families and one black guy with a thrasher shirt. The girl next to me is like out of a magazine while my hair is dirty, the make up isn’t hiding my eye bags and my nose is sniffling from the air-condition. As we take off, I’ve never seen a sunset this orange and red. I start holding my head and the stewardess asks me if I’m alright but i just thought “not another 4 hours.” When we land, i don’t start crying until i see the river split which is a defining feature of Beograd and I think there’s a reason i manifested being here on my birthday this year.

My dad picks me up wearing a light green shirt and the same coloured puffy jacket. We hug and talk about politics on the drive home. War is always the first topic we talk about and how the british forgot that the russians saved them in world war 2. “They would be dead without the russians” he exclaims and straight away the divide between the East and the West is clear.

A few days later I said “did you quit smoking?” and he said “yes about 3 months ago” and I said “why” and he said “it was killing me” which is low key what smoking is. I say “I’m proud of you” cause my dad finally defeated the devil energy and I’ve been praying for this for the last 3 years. I think if my dad can quit smoking, I can quit dating smokers. I said “its nice to be served” and he said “I’ve served you your entire life” cause we forget that when we are little our parents do everything for us and when we are adults we have to serve ourselves.

The church bell rings at random times and Im annoyed there is no order which is so Eastern Europe.  At the hair salon, a hipster Virgo lady named Jelena does my hair and she doesn’t mention the fact that i have an accent which is nice. The music that plays is Radiohead and Sam cooked and i tell her they have good taste. I get a haircut and on my birthday my dad wont give me a compliment and i say “are you THAT narcissitic you cant compliment anyone but yourself?” He wont get me the crepe I wanted and says “I got you all this stuff and you’re still not happy.” Maybe i had to buy myself the crepe. I start dancing in the street and a hot black guy stares at me.

When I get to Beograd, sitting on the bus is my worst nightmare. No one scoots over to give you a seat and you have to push in. I walk around the art gallery alone. I have a moment seeing a painting from the Turkish occupation that makes me teary. I speak to a hot guy selling popcorn and he tells me his life story. He’s from crna gora and told me he went to jail for selling drugs and I say “bad boy.” I said “so God took you off that path” and he’s like “I believe that.” He tells me he has a kid and he cant see her. He tells me he lost custody of his kid and I said “wow that must have been hard, don’t you feel bad?” and he said “I tried to kill myself 3 times.”

I say “my friend still isn’t here” and he says “maybe the universe wanted us to meet.” I said “i like that you’re arrogant, but then most guys are here” and he says “its a montegrean thing.” He tells me how he does bartending and he says “you never talk about the money – you always sell them the experience.” And i said “totally.” He said “do you smoke weed?” And i said “the one and only time i have smoked weed was at kalemegdan.” I go to an all you can eat place and an Asian woman says “all you can eat?” cause she’s shocked at how good it is.

Later on, he said “i barely know you and you’re trying to change me” and I said “a woman that loves a man tries to change him.” And he smiles and says “you shouldn’t change for your woman – you should adapt” and I said “my ex could never adapt.” That night he asks to meet me and then blows me off saying he wants to spend more time with me. He clearly cant adapt. When I cry to my friend, i said “I hugged him in the middle of the square!” My cousin says “he could have cancelled earlier so we didn’t wait all night for him.”  My friend said “you need a man who is sure of you.” He said “vidi kako te pazim” cause every guy whos name is Aleksandar has broken my heart.

I speak to my old friends and she says “having a baby is the biggest thing a woman can do” and i said “is it?” cause I’m more progressive than that. I walk past a park that reminds me of my childhood, they give out free coke and a little boy makes faces at me. I cry about all the things my family went through and go to see my godsister who just had a baby. She said “when we were younger, I always wanted to be cool like you” and i said “I was never cool.” I am happy for her having her baby and i said “i knew you picked a modern name” and she said “how do you know me?” We are like sisters cause i feel like she always reads my energy equally well.

My dresses are too short here and you cant free the nipple in Serbia. I have to walk in my red shoes and I always loved wearing them as an aries venus cause i used to ask people for red heels as a child and even though i look Serbian I’m not fully accepted for living in Australia. A dog pisses on a wall and a guy reverses out of a small car park. Europe. Its my first home but wasn’t my last.

A man says “Anja come with me” and his 2 year old said “I don’t want to come with you” which is how I feel when my dad asks me to do stuff. When we get to the bus stop for my Bosnia trip, the guy at the counter says “our children are better at technology” and asks how old I am and I say “over 30” cause he can see my dad is still treating me like a child. He says “you look younger” and I say “its cause I’m wearing overalls.”

5 minutes before, he started screaming at me on the street for not looking, I say “this isn’t about me – you need to learn to emotionally regulate” cause something about Bosnia triggers him cause he has to deal with his family and land. He said “why are you making me engage with people I don’t like?” And i said “they’re your family!”  We stand in silence for 15 mins and then he leaves and calls me when I get on the bus. I cry the entire bus ride that i have to deal with his inner child. I think about my friend saying “both of your parents are using you as an unpaid therapist.”

We get to the same cafe pitstop I’ve been to so many times. When I was 18 my grandma went with us to Novi sad and i had cornrows and she thought it was funny. That’s the last time I saw her before she died. She used to ask me if I had a boyfriend and I wish I had something to report now but I don’t.

My hair is not washed; a hot female cop takes our passports on the bus but starts yelling at a grandma which makes her less hot. A girl with perfect hair hands out our passports and says “ovo si ti – this is you” cause my picture and personality are obvious to most people. I’m still thinking about the criminal guy I liked and still trying to hide the psychic hickey he sent me. A week before he said “do you smoke?” and I said “no I’m good” and he said “just how good we will see.” When I needed advice, he said “if she’s being shit – don’t you be shit.” The spiritual fuckboi will be the death of me.  I nearly text him over the border thinking I’ll run out of credit if I do.

As we enter Bosnia, everything is greener – the accent is more of a wail and its 10 degrees colder and I see my first mosque in 8 days. The corners are steep and the tunnels are not lit. My cousin texts me “are you bored on the bus?” and I smile cause she hasn’t changed at all.

When I get to my mum’s hometown, I’ve missed the smell of pine trees and mountains. My eight year old cousin says “I prefer cats – they’re more dearer to me” and I remember my grandma walking me around these streets as a kid. I start crying cause even though i moved to Australia she still treated me like one of the kids here. When I open her closet, her clothes weren’t there but I still felt her energy.

At the gym, a Scorpio guy compliments me on my legwork and I say “are you being sarcastic?” and he says “no.” I tell him about my family stuff and how i needed to get it out through exercise. “I’m mediating between two grown 60 year old men” and he said “I mediated between 3” and I laugh. We talk about psychology and he tells me how he was a priest but wound up in Pale. As I’m leaving he says, “you’re like a black cat – I love black cats.” And I said “why cause we are hard to catch?” And he said “no cause they always know when you need them.”

I see one of the older women in our family and have cake with her and she says – “in my generation all my friends have died and I’m alone” and i said “that must be hard.” Cause one day we will be old so we need to make time for our elders.

I go for a walk with my mums cousin who lost her husband of Covid and said “don’t give up on love” and I “i haven’t given up for others just myself” and she said “especially for yourself.” And thought if a widow can have hope, i should be able to too. She said “I know this sounds crazy but I really found god when he passed” and i said “its not crazy – it happens to a lot of people” and I feel like we both feel mutually supported. Its the first time she’s opened up to me in 5 years about this so it feels special. And her brother says “you cant be picky in love” and i said “I’m not asking for a lot!” He said “you’re just travelling and doing all the things you wanna do” and i said “what am I supposed to do?”

He said “on the east we are too tied to our families but on the west we aren’t tied at all.” When I talk about my dad, he says “your dads a perfectionist but we accept him anyway.” I see one of my other cousins who having her wedding soon and she just gets me. “So you had just stopped into Dubai for a few hours?” and i said “pretty much” and we laugh. She says “i don’t know how I’m gonna give up my own space now that someone is moving in with me” and i say “ah you can always kick him out to have your space” and I think she must have Sagittarius in her chart to understand that kind of aloneness and love it.

When I see my bestie Tatjana in my hometown, she picks me up un a hybrid and i say “nice car” cause I always want my friends to win. She said “what’s up with the hickey?” and i love that she’s a straight shooter Sagittarius and one of my longest friendships. I’ve known her for more than 20 years. She says “how come you don’t talk to anyone else?” and i say “cause i dont trust them like i trust you.” She said “my mum never accepted that i wasnt feminine” and i said “me too sister.” When i tell her about the Montenegrin guy, she said “Montenegrin guys are just bad as army guy’s – massive flirts.” She starts freaking out about the cobwebs in my house and when I start killing them, I say “now I’m the masculine in our relationship.”

We go to my house in Bosnia, and I’m shocked our sour cherry tree is fertile this year and i was wondering when my turn would be. I tell my dad our neighbour reported us to the eco police for not cutting our lawn and he dad said “after he stole fruit from us for 10 years!” This is what happens in the country. People are petty.

I get the taxi driver to drive me to the graveyard. I start crying when I see my grandmas grave, and i am the only person i the graveyard in the middle of the day. And the taxi driver waits for me with the meter running. I know how to find her cause shes at the top of the hill and my dad wanted the best location. We have no flowers on the tombstone and I pick some cause everyone elses are fake. I cry for some time knowing she deserved better in this lifetime and i feel bad i havent been to visit her here for nearly 8 years.

The next day my uncle drops me to the busstop, he’s a typical Cancer – he only talks if he has to. I get there way early and it turns out my cousin was right about the bus timetable. The cafe doesnt take card or have wifi and i order a coffee cause i only have 2km and i need to sit somewhere to write. I ask for a cappucino and she says “we have espresso or black” and i said “espresso.”  Im always the only woman alone in bars with old men.  The sugar is splatterred on the side of the cup cause in messy.

A random virgo guy starts talking to me on the bus whos living in new York and i think of my dad telling me “dont get into conversations with everyone” cause he knows my Gemini rising will. He has no kids and said he was divorced and tells me how he has a million dollar apartment and worked in a casino in las vegas. I think about how it must be sad to be alone at that age but hes a typical earth sign.

I ask him for 4 dollars cause im short with the last of my travel money and he said he’d give me some dinars but doesn’t. He continues to drain my energy the rest of the bus ride and i start thinking “this is probably why youre divorced.” He tells me he thinks trump is crazy but then says he hates Jews and asks my opinion on the Jews and the British and i say “neutral” cause I don’t want to get into a geopolitical debate on my bus trip and I  think about how my dad speaks better English than him even though he’s probably lived in America longer. He said “does Australia have immigration?” and i said “it does” and he said “it doesnt like america they chase people down in America” and i said “well we arent America” cause even immigrants in America see everything through the lense of their country. He says he wants me to marry his cousin so he can get a visa for 25k and i said “how old is he?” and he said “25” and i said “hes too young for me” and he said something like beggars cant be choosers and I thought I’m not a beggar.

Before i go to Poland, I get a scrub from Igor at the hamam and its the first time I feel really connected to my body in this trip. I tell some Americans tesla is Serbian cause they’re ignorant and Luka tells me he has to leave cause he has a massage. I like when Serbian guys say my name cause it makes me feel connected.

The customs guy says “how long you enter Poland?” And i say “7 days.” He takes a picture of my face for his archives. Everyone is so nice in Poland – the man rounds up my money for the bus and I’m shocked at how sweet they are compared to the brashness of my own country. I need to learn thank you in polish so I’m not completely confused when a man tells me I’ve got something stuck to my leg. The buses have ticket machines inside of them in Poland. I learn that tak means yes and Im sick of the people in front of me speaking French.

A week ago, my dads friends said “Im in Sweden – an organised country” and my dad said “as opposed to here which is an unorganized country.” I’ve cried about 5 times on this trip which is not much for me. The man that helped me buy the bus ticket gets off.  The gemini in me cant wait to learn a new language. I have no idea why I really wanted to go to poland but im hoping I’ll find out. Im speaking half english half serbian & people still understand me. People share their seats here unlike in serbia and they have an electric timetable. A guy in his 60s takes a shot out of a flask on the bus. Serbia gives off Aries energy – we are cocky, rough, selfish but big givers whereas Poland is more cancer energy – really nice, homey and there is depth i haven’t discovered yet and from all the wars they’ve survived.

A girl eats her ice-cream in summer and im listening to “its raining men” which has become my theme song. A woman whos about 6f 4 stands in the bus. The standard of food in Poland is insane and I sip on the best lemonade ive had in my life. The key is adding an apple slice and mint and lots of ice.  A woman moves me to the single person table but then I get a nicer waitress who engages with me cause she knows im alone and i tip her when i leave. A guy with long hair and a beard looks at me but ive outgrown that phase. When they hand you the food, its like a fun surprise when they open the pot. I order pickles, saukraut and a potato wrapped in meat. I’m not even thinking about how much it costs that’s how hungry I am from travelling all day on the train, taxi, plane and bus.

The next day at the coffee shop, all the girls are hipsters and I’m wearing a purple hat and singing along to the kanye song thats playing – “when you try hard thats when you die hard.” The guy in my hostel says he’s from the best place in Australia and i say “Melbourne?” and he says no Canberra and i start laughing. “Canberra is not the best place in Australia.” He gets scared off by my strong opinions and avoids me the next two days cause he thinks id vote for Pauline hanson cause I told even though he’s the ignorant one.

The next day, I go to the bubble tea shop and its run by Asians and she shows me how to get to the centre of science and knowledge. I wanna throw out my prezel but there’s no one homeless to give it to. Damska means woman woman in polish and im always the first to cross the street in a foreign country. A goth couple walk past and group of English tourists – why do men hang out in packs like dogs?

Warsaw is more lgbt friendly and people speak to me in polish cause im Slavic and i just nod. The weirdo taxi driver in Serbia said “you’re travelling on your own?” before i got here, cause men see that as opportunity to be a predator when they know you’re alone. I say “yep” proudly cause I’ve always been strengthened through my independence. A guy wants a kiss from his blonde girlfriend and she rejects him and i really wanna buy more clothes even though i can only fit 8 kilos. There is still a psychic hickey on my neck and I don’t understand why Aleksandars wont leave me alone.

I buy some pink shorts cause my style is baby girl mix dominatrix. My feet are starting to hurt and I’m locked out of polish tinder so Im taking it as a sign i wont meet my person here. I sing sabrina carpenter down the main street and a German guy stops me to try to talk to me. “What’s your name?” and i say “Maja” – I say “you must be German” and he said “I tried to hide my accent.” He walks into the bottle shop and i try to get rid of him although i low key love being hit on in public. Another random Aries man stops me to sell me a meditation book in polish. I give him 6 zloty and say is this too little? And he says “anything from your heart.” It seems as if my heart is incredibly stingy but when i open it later i wonder if its a cult book. There are pictures of different Indian dieties and i tell him how I’m reading an osho book in Serbian about intelligence.

Every man in Europe asks me the same question “how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” And I always answer with “I ask myself the same question.” People say Paris is the city of love but i think its warsaw. The city is your date! A man who plays keyboard smiles at me, a nun with comfy shoes walks past and i get my kodak camra out like the hipster I am.

I go to a classical Chopin piano concert and learn that Chopin hated performing in front of people he didn’t know. The performer lets me play piano for her afterwards and says “i can see you think in phrases and structure” which is a huge compliment cause that’s all ive been trying to achieve in the last 10 years and teach my students to analyse the music. It feels nice to play a kawai cause that’s all i played last year at the whitsundays.

Kids blow bubbles outside the Polin museum and you should never listen to a man when they say “its just a kilometer walk.”  I learn that when the jews moved to Poland they were accused of burning buildings and were kicked out of krakov to another small town. They used the Jews for their skills cause it seems like they were like immigrants they didnt like. They let them run taverns cause they trusted them with money and book keeping. When printing was invented in the 15th century, they let them write their own books and in Prussia they got rid of their rights and the question was always “should they be integrated or left separate?” which i think is still the question for them today.

In the early 1900s it was the first time they coined the word antisemiticism. The Germans deported 300k jews from the warsaw ghetto and burnt them alive. The poles that tried to help them were shot. 6 million jews were killed in world war 2 and 3 million of them were polish jews.  The jews wanted to leave Poland after what happened and being accused of being communists and immigrated to Palestine. The soviets took over parts of Poland after world war 2 but so did jews. A lot left to go to America and if you decided to leave you’d only get 5 us dollars.

The next day, I go to the Royal castle which is more about polish history. The birth of the world emerges through chaos through the power of Jupiter. Apollo is the feature and Marcello Bacciarelli is the artist. There are moments of Cronus carrying the world on his shoulders and im loving how much King Stanislaw August was into astrology and having a painting of Capricorn – his star sign. In the Roccoco era, they wanted more black people in pictures and in the dressing chamber,  they had a sneaky door from where they’d enter. They also ate beetroot soup with dumplings, mutton and a mix of Polish and French culinary cuisine, candied fruit and chocolate.

The King didn’t drink alcohol and only drank spring water. A little French boy starts being naughty and his dad gives him a slap on the bum for touching stuff and i laugh cause that would low key be me. In one of the paintings, Maria Sobiesja frees the nipple which makes me happy.

The streets are packed full of tourists and people all night and i think “no wonder no one hits on me on the sunshine coast – there’s hardly anyone around.”  I like walking in amongst the people and being completely alone. There is a crescent moon and i smile at a guy sitting by himself and think he’s probably waiting for someone.  Miley Cyrus said “I can buy myself flowers,” well I can buy myself a green amber ring. I go into a shop that they cant resize but buy a better one the next day. Sometimes we have to wait a little to get something better, which is how I feel about my love life. I talk to the girl in the hostel and tell her about it. She’s Brazilian and just got out of a long term relationship. She said “I’m happy for my friends getting married but its hard when i don’t have someone” and i said “i know its hard watching all your friends have babies”, thinking about how this trip for me was mostly a baby visiting trip.

When I go downstairs in the hostel, an Indian guy bothers me all night and gets offended when i say i don’t want a 50 50 relationship. He said “i thought you were progressive..” and I said “you left your wife and kid to go to Poland so no i don’t want that kind of relationship.” I gave him tea and he gave me a lecture so whos the selfish one? feel annoyed i didn’t ditch him earlier. I said “you know you do what every guy does – you have an idea of who you think i am and then you lash out at me when i don’t fit your fantasy!” And he says “you are right.” and i leave and go back to bed knowing I won the battle but lost the war. I talk to my composition teacher who’s in Italy and he says “he just wanted the thrill of talking to you cause you’re the trophy” and i thought “he should be talking to his wife!”

Jaroslav drops me in an uber with a taxi sign, to Warsaw central and i look around confused with everyone else at the platform. The train driver blows the whistle and im eating strawberry yoghurt and granola. Im wearing baby blue overalls and writing about what happened with the guy last night who flirted with me but had a girlfriend. She wouldn’t move to Poland and he wouldn’t move back to Belarus and i said “its not gonna work” and wondered if that’s why he was low key hitting on me.

When i get to Krakow, there are more arches and more Jewish synagogues around the place. I sit in St marys bascilila that is an ornate church with a giant mosaic and i listen to Charlie xcx to feel the grandness of the space. I ask the guard if I can climb the clocktower and he said its not open today but tomorrow it will be. And i say “rain?” And he says no cause its Monday and i said “why with these rules in Europe?” cause this happened to me once in France. The church smells a million years old as i sit on the wooden pews. Is this what Mary wanted? Would Jesus think we regressed as a society or did we stay exactly the same?

Krakow is bleaker and more religious and doesn’t have the same buzz as Warsaw. I’m so glad bought my sneakers before i left cause my feet cant survive the cobblestones. The bars are smaller and more German And there are wooden taverns that look like Harry potter. I go into a strudel shop and the woman that runs it is a total queen of cups. Loving, caring and lovely. I ask her how long she’s owned the shop for and she says “pre-pandemic.”  Her name is Agatha and she smiles when i say my name. She said “i really wanna go to Serbia” and i say “you should.” She gives me her homemade honey when i tell her my throat is sore from hanging out with smokers and we both agree its harder to recover from sickness in summer.

I can feel my cramps kicking in but im happy it means i can still have babies for another 7 years. I miss the time frame for Auschwitz but i don’t really think i can deal with the heaviness of it pre-period. The woman at the Jewish synagogue judges me up and down for wearing a playsuit, there are a lot of cool hipster cafes in the jewish quarter and one lady in a red dress sits on her balcony. I go to wawel castle and there is a man playing polish songs on guitar.

I decide to only do one floor cause I’m running out of money and I wanted a big lunch. When i get my lunch, i order fish and the guy upsells me to more salads. I say “can i get a pickle?” And he said “the pickles are complimentary.” I voice message my friend and as im leaving to go to the bathroom, a young polish waitress stops me and says “its only for customers!” and i clap back with – “I am a customer, i was sitting outside!” This is the second waitress to treat me like shit cause she thinks I’m American. I was raised to dislike Americans but we would never treat them like this in Serbia. No person should be discriminated against because of their countries political leaders. As i pay the bill, the guy offers me a complimentary liqueur and i say “sure I’ll take it” which is the universe’s way of restoring the karma.

Before i left, my dad said “this isn’t Australia you cant dress like a whore” & i thought “i didn’t know whores dressed this good!” No one smiles in Eastern Europe and an old man spits on the street. I have been to more Catholic churches here than in Italy and more people wear adidas tracksuits here. There are no traffic lights here and you just hope people stop for you. I tell the guy at the desk im going to the salt mine cause i missed Auschwitz. I say “i didnt realize it was so popular” and he says “its very popular.. people book up to a month in advance.” He says the salt mine will be good and that when you go into Auschwitz you just see the shoes and start crying.

I go to the salt mine and the mean age is 60. The English woman behind me says “its a nice area init?” I am the tallest woman in the line to the toilet and they say they earn 7k per day in the cave and that electricity started in 1915 and how they had horses working underground for ten years. Salt was mined a lot in the middle ages but now China is the main producer. The production of salt in this mine ended in 1996 and the last horse inside of it was in 2006.  It is unesqo listed and the polish have been mining before Christ and the mine is 3 meters taller than the Eiffel tower. The guide is dry and funny and tells us that people used to bungee jump in here.

I cough from the smokers in Warsaw and think about the last guy that tried to schmooze me. Everyone vapes here and all the boys have darkworker tattoos. I flirt with Mikalaj at the hostel and i think about one my one Polish situationship Michael. I met him in north Melbourne and he was a Scorpio who said “you like my cat.” And we both laughed at how erratic it was. He had brown hair, a pointy Slavic nose and was over 6f but said he wanted polyamory & no commitment. He had a range rover and a wrist watch to reflect his Virgo moon and his Brunswick apartment was nice cause he lived alone. That morning he shamed me for being with him and i wanted to cry at how self deprecating he was. The next day I got fined after he ate me out so i knew he wasn’t right for me but I struggled to cut the chord. The last date I went on with him, I came 10 minutes late and he said “don’t do it again” and that’s the last time i saw him.

The tour guide says “thank you for joining the tour and I hope you enjoy your time in Poland” and I know that’s the end of my journey here at least for now. I start randomly crying at the restaurant knowing this is my last week in Europe. I tell my dad “i think theyre treating me badly cause they think im american” and my dad said “tell them youre slavic!” and I laugh when parents give you obvious advice.

I take out the receipts from the different languages i have in my wallet, And get ready for the last leg of the flight back to Belgrade. I tell the uber driver about all the guys with girlfriends who have hit on me and he says “they’re not loyal.” He is bulgarian and a Leo and exactly who i needed in that moment. When i get out of the car I tip him for caring and talk to my mum at the airport.

When i get back to Serbia, my mums cousin picks me up and im super happy to see her. Serbia is chaotic but its home and i feel less judged about wearing a playsuit in Belgrade. When we go to the splav, I’m totally at peace dressing the way i want in 35 degree weather. I end up singing twice on the street in two days cause i know one of the buskers and the other i randomly ask to play his piano.

The guy that blew me off i text him “what are you doing tonight?” cause Geminis never learn. We keep texting and he keeps making vague plans. He gets karma for blowing me off when i run out of credit and he thinks I’m ghosting him. I deliberately ghost him back when he made me wait all day and says “ive made other plans cause i thought you were ghosting me.. i can only give you half an hour to an hour walk.” My ovaries want to shrivel up from the way he spoke to me and I text back woww 2 hours later and he sends 3 question marks. I feel low key smug because this is how i felt when he ditched me the first time. He can die in his other plans. That morning, I pulled the temperance card and it was the universe restoring itself. Two days later he texts me “what are you doing tonight?” When a man texts me “what are you doing tonight?” – the answer is always “not you.”

When I get back to Novi sad, i refuse to let this guy ruin my chances. I make another profile saying “double gemini” and attract a Gemini guy. I said “I’m going back to Australia – i hope that’s not a dealbreaker” and he says “we can go on the date you manifested.” He wears a tigers eye bracelet to reflect his Leo moon and could be a little taller but i like that he listens, and understands what i want.

He wears a tigers eye bracelet to reflect his Leo moon and could be a little taller but i like that he listens, and understands what i want. We go to a fake beach that has a secluded bar and he orders us two cocktails. When we talk about myers briggs i say “what do u think my last letter is?” And he says j its the easiest one which makes me thinks he understands me.

He kisses me and i dont expect it to be so passionate and spontaneous. He said “im not gonna ask for permission” and i laugh and say “that’s what we do in Australia.” In the moment i think its hot, but the next day my nervous system feels unregulated that he crossed my boundaries. The next day i say “what’s gonna happen when I go to Australia?” and he said “well we will talk and then it will fizzle out.” He explains to me why he thinks long distance wont work and I say “what’s the point of seeing each other again then?” He said “well for the experience” and I say “I don’t wanna give my heart to someone who thinks im an experience.” He says “well you were just manifesting a date” in which case i should have said “well if its all i wanted, then its happened.” I hate that he used my favourite word against me.

I stupidly call him on the phone crying and he said “you manifested this date” and i said “i didn’t think it would go this well! I get so angry he wont fight for me, i go to the gym and immediately see a hot black guy cause the universe wants me to know hes not the only one. Im conflicted about whether to cancel on our second date when i know i shouldn’t and instead i text him “Im the only girl at the gym.” I hate that I’m in the same pattern as my ex. I would always try to make him jealous when he withheld love from me. The second date, we go into a crystal shop randomly and he gets me an owl figurine which is our spirit animal and these edgy earrings i want. The shop keeper is smiling cause im happy. He kisses me as we leave and i say “she loved that.” He said “I like to be the provider” and I said “thats good for me cause i like go be the receiver.” We eat these sloppy crepes and laugh cause theyre so big and he takes a picture of me on my kodak camera. He makes a big deal about me taking a pic of him on my camera on the first date and i say “I feel like youre pulling away cause Im leaving.”

We go to another crepe shop and he feeds me crepes. “You like that do you?” He treats me like baby and in our last convo I get pissed and say “dont act like my daddy if you’re not serious!” At one point, I hold his hand and i I let go to pick up a santa-claus to make a wish with. My wish is to get engaged this year even though it seems impossible. In the meantime my dad is making commentary like “how is he serious about you if he’s on tinder? How do you know that you’re not his only option?” which is how every Aries venus wants to feel. Like they’re the ONLY one. He gives me a curfew cause he doesn’t want me having sex and i say “when is my curfew at 33?” And he says 11pm. I feel like Cinderella. My psychic said “your dad doesn’t have to like your partner, he just needs to approve” and he did not approve of tinder guys. I low key don’t know if I’m going on this date just to piss my dad off which was my pattern at 17. My dad never let me make my own mistakes and all i wanted to do was own my choices.

On the third date, when i dont have dinner with my dad he says “why doesn’t he feed you then?” Financially he’s ready to give up his daddy role. I iron my own dress time and wear the earrings he bought me. We go to the hamam my favourite place, and have a really chill dinner. We go to the top level and he makes a comment that its busy which is true but i dont want any negative comments about the hamam. I said “I’m sad I’m leaving” and he said “but you’ll be back.” I keep fishing for compliments to see how much he likes me but nothing comes out and i feel myself disconnecting.

As we sit on the bench, staring at the moon, he said “what can i do about you leaving?” and i said “i don’t know kill yourself.” As we walk back, I said “thank you for everything” and he said “thank you too.” He doesn’t hold my hand tonight and i take his earrings off as some weird symbology of this ending and he gets triggered and says “power move” which i didn’t even intend. When he walks me home before midnight, i say “maybe we can meet somewhere in the world” and he said “im not much of a traveller” which breaks my Sagittarius moon’s heart. Not much of a traveller?? I’ve been to nearly 20 countries. We do an intense kiss and hug and i send him a heart via text and he sends one back. I think maybe the curfew was good cause i was manifesting a man after midnight and i got a man before midnight!

The next day, I go to the hamam to steam and cry before I leave. I get a scrub from a Bosnian guy whos a pisces and tell him im going back to Australia and about the guy not wanting to do long distance. He says “what can you do? You have to leave.. the chapter is ending.” I said “i went on three dates with him” and he said “thats not a lot” and I say “it is for me” as he continues to scrub my body. “Youre all or nothing” and im shocked as he says that cause he understands how I feel in 4 words. He said “pain is good – it means you can work something out.” I sit at the well crying knowing i have to tell him i have to choose myself. I say “i deserve to be with someone who chooses me” and he says “you do” which i hate cause its passive. I dont know how much more heartbreak my heart can handle in this lifetime. I say “i dont normally give guys a 3rd date – most guys get 2.”

When we talk on the phone, I say “I know you’re being logical but i wanted you to fight for me” which are verbatim the last words i said to my ex. My problem is I think I’m in the fairytale when I’m not. As I exit, I tell the woman and she says “other women come here to cry about men who have hurt them.” As I’m leaving the hamam, the Bosnian guy says “when are you leaving?” And i said “tonight to Dubai.” And he said “lovely” and i said “you look very greek in the toga.” He says “have a safe flight and come back any time” and i said “oh i will!” cause its low key my fave place in Novi sad.

As my dad drops me at the airport, he spends the entire time criticizing me and agrees with the guy who didn’t want long distance after ragging on him the whole time! “Well i wouldn’t to do long distance if someone gave me a million dollars” and i thought “half of your relationship WAS long distance!” He said “we need to be united as a family” and i said “we are never gonna be the same kind of family but we are something different” cause that’s what co-parenting is. Its funny cause years later my parents almost always give me the same advice, they just don’t agree on the way they give it. As he drops me, I cry on the way to security not knowing when i will see him again. My dads love language is pushing me away and I said “the point of having a daughter is to keep you accountable.”

The family next to me on the plane work for the Serbian embassy and live in Sydney which makes me think there are families that do travel. The last person gets on the bus in Dubai and i want to ball my eyes out. A group of middle eastern women in hijabs laugh together and the bathrooms are extra in Dubai. They make me take my shoes off during security and one of the muslim girls lets me use her basket. If i met the love of my life then why is it so hard? Why would god give me something good and take it away or have i never been treated well in my life?

Ive spent a few times crying in Dubai but it was never over an unfinished romance. I deserve to be with someone who will cross an ocean for me. At least the Indian! I sit next to an older couple who are travelling back from Norway together and think “this is the kind of love I want” and maybe god wants to show me I can have it if i don’t settle. I tell the woman next to me how I will miss my family and she says “same.” I see the ocean as we arrive into Australia and I know back to one of my homes.

My dad texts me “I’ll make you a better kifla next time.” And I laugh that he cares about making me a sandwich and will never stop having his daddy role. He’s the OG. I get no message from the guy i like which makes me sad. I cry cause my heart is broken cause I know when i love, i love hard and i shouldn’t have gone on the 2nd or 3rd date when i know im ride or die. I text a guy online “he doesn’t deserve me” and he texts back “or your lips.” My best friend said “your trip was much more than some unadventurous guy.” My mum said “you are too worldly for him.” In sleeping beauty, he meets her for 10 seconds, and slays a dragon and he had me for 12 hours and cant get on a plane. My dad says “well we cant beat him into loving you” and I wait that’s what i said! Cause one turned up emotionally but not physically and the other turned up physically but not emotionally and I always go in extremes with a criminal or a nice guy that won’t break any rules.

I see the Sunshine coast sign and know I’m almost home. I smile at a girl in my street and she smiles back and I miss the politeness of the west. My Scorpio friend said “of course it hurts to leave your homeland.” I see couples walking on the beach and i think “second date” and low key hate them. Before i left i said “i cant even look at couples” and he said “why cause they’re stealing your kisses?” which was the wrong answer about intimacy. I said “no its not about ego” and my friend said “you get the last word on who kisses you.”

After a few days, an old french fuckboi slides into my dms and i tell him about what happened in Serbia. He says “wow you really liked him” and I say “I did.” He said “id travel to see you” and texts me every single day for 2 weeks to show me, if they wanted to they would. He sends me a pic of his boat in Marseilles and he said “come to France” and I say “why so we could fuck on your boat?” and he said “absolutely.” Fire sign men are so refreshing after an evasive air sign. Also im noticing the difference in age with a 40 year old and a 32 year old who think they have infinite time and want to waste yours.

I ask him if he thinks I’m a cat or dog and he says “you’re obviously a cat” which is the question the other guy wouldn’t even answer. I said “what sex and the city character do you think I am ?” and he said “the ginger one.” I love that he knows im a Miranda. He said “Charlotte is too clean, but you’re definitely messy” and I say “yes I’m not perfect enough to be a Charlotte and I don’t have enough sex to be a Samantha.” He says “i think you like me” and i like that he probes me so i can be the catty one instead of the other way around. I end up dropping him cause he body shames me, another thing i promised myself i wouldn’t tolerate. I said “find a girl with less hair!” and hes like “i don’t understand why you’re so mad.” I say “i am a Miranda – i am who I am! Take it or leave it” and i refuse to explain male privilege to him in 20 seconds. I say “i was vulnerable and you shamed me!” and he says “im sorry i feel bad” and i say “do you feel bad cause you hurt me or cause of your ego?” A line no man wants to hear. Cause any man who brings the conversation back to himself is an immediate red flag cause trust is built on predictability, not perfection.

He said “im just being honest” and i said “no you’re being mean – you need to learn that as a Sagittarius” cause i low key love lecturing men with their lessons as a Gemini. I thought “there are many more men who will worship my hairy pussy if you don’t! Thank you next!” The girls on tik tok say you should say “my future husband would never..” Well my husband would never body shame me. My husband would never ditch me for a date and not reschedule. My husband wouldn’t flirt with me when he has a girlfriend. My husband wouldn’t use money as a way to buy intimacy. My husband wouldn’t say they feel like they’re missing out on me and not fight for me. My husband wouldn’t use the word manifest against me. My future husband would never fumble me!

I look out into the ocean, feeling hopeless and I wonder if my self sacrifice was for the greater good or just people pleasing tendencies and i think about when my good karma will come when other women betrayed me and slept with my partners or tried to one up me.. so I will continue to be a table of 1 until I become a table of 2.